LAURA: I’m Laura Sessions Stepp. This is Sex.Really. And today we’re taking a close-up look at in-home sex toy parties— where girlfriends are gathering all across the country to touch, taste and purchase items previously available only at porn shops.
(sound of keys, car door and digging in car)
Alicia: This is all my goodies.
LAURA: Alicia Hogan is a suburban Washington mom, who carries her sex toys in a gun case in the back of her SUV.
Laura: A gun case?
Alicia: A gun case for my toys. And the reason I have a gun case is it keeps the toys secure; they don’t come on. So…
Laura: What kind of car is this?
Alicia: This is a Ford Escape.
Laura: It’s packed with equipment, lingerie—you name it. And as Alicia likes to say: it’s paid for.
Alicia: It’s paid for. And my truck is paid for by Slumber Parties.
LAURA: When Alicia says Slumber Parties, she’s doesn’t mean sleeping bags and pillow fights. She’s referring to her employer—Slumber Parties Inc.—one of dozens of companies that sell sex toys, lube, lingerie and edible lotions. The business, she says, is recession-proof.
(walking through door)
Alicia: Hi! I’m Alicia.
LAURA: Alicia comes to your house to sell her wares.
Woman: Welcome!
LAURA: Nipple enhancers, flavored condoms, coochie cream…and vibrators that do everything but take out the trash. You name it, and Alicia's probably got it in her gun case.
Alicia: Ladies, this is called Endless Pleasure. I will pass it around.
[buzz]
Alicia: I want you to tell me if your man can do this.
LAURA: I went to two sex toy parties recently. The Slumber Party, with Alicia, was actually a fundraiser for an assisted-care nursing facility. The second party was by Tasteful Treasures, represented by a young woman named Vicky.
Vicky: What we’re going first to do is we’re going to play a name game. You’re going to take the first letter of your first name and create either a sexy, sensual or erotic term to go with it. So, for example, my name is Vicky, so I say that I’m Vixenly Vicky.
LAURA: Vicky has a day job with the federal government.
…Alluring Alex…
LAURA: But she’s not sure how her co-workers would react to the idea of having a sex-toy salesperson in their midst.
…Juicy Joanna…
LAURA: So she keeps it quiet.
…at the last one I was Back-Door Bev….[laughing]
LAURA: Vicky’s caution may not be unfounded. Last month, the Alabama Supreme Court upheld a state law making the sale of sex toys illegal….which seems irrelevant since sex toys, according to one survey, are as common in American homes as the drip coffeemaker.
Vicky: …you’re guaranteed to take home a vibrator tonight.
LAURA: The New York Times reported that 53% of women and 50 percent of men – most of them heterosexual – said they’d used a toy.
Vicky: Everything is edible unless I say otherwise…
LAURA: You can find a waterproof vibrator at Wal-Mart, a butterfly strap on Amazon, and hundreds of other items at sex stores around the country.
Vicky: ….because it makes you into a human sundae.
LAURA: So…why would anyone want to go to a party?
Woman: Well then you don’t feel like you’re the only person doing it, or you’re the only person who buys that.
Woman: Women do not go to sex stores alone!
Susan: I won’t even buy KY at CVS. You know, I’ll come to one of these. And plus the stuff to me is better.
LAURA: When you’re at a friend’s house, you can hold the products, switch them on and, in some cases, taste them.
Woman: Now remind me, what this is?
Vicky: This is a warming thing, so…
Woman: And, I don’t eat this one?
Vicky: No you can.
Woman: Mmmmm. It kind of tastes like…
Vicky: …maple syrup.
LAURA: Sex toys have come a long way from the first season of “Sex and the City,” when Charlotte, the prim one, slipped into a bathroom to look at her first rabbit vibrator.
But there are still a lot of Charlottes out there. So saleswomen like Alicia and Vicky tell jokes and play games to get everyone loosened up. Think Tupperware Party…. but naughty and with a lot more giggling.
[Laughing]
LAURA: The smart salespeople are selling more than just gag gifts. They’re selling intimacy, and what they call “relationship enhancement”—products that promote more communication in the bedroom.
Vicky:…because it does have that flavor, wherever you put it, that’s where your partner’s going to be focusing their efforts. And sometimes, you know, they need a little bit of guidance. So that’s Extreme Pleasures, that’s in crème brulee and peppermint twist…
LAURA: It’s interesting, sales of porn DVDs are down, but toys and creams— which practically demand mutual play—are doing well. And what’s the fastest-growing market for sex toys? Married or sexually monogamous couples.
Laura: Vicky, this isn’t just about having orgies on the street. This is about couples, right?
Vicky: A lot of products are just to help enhance your relationship with partner. We have bubble bath, we have massage products—things that have nothing to do with suddenly being kinky.
LAURA: I met Candace, a military wife, at Alicia’s party. She’s a walking testimonial to the fact that sex toys can improve a relationship.
Candace: I’ve been married fifteen years, have three children. And I wasn’t really interested in toys as a young adult, in my twenties. But you know, as the marriage progressed, we started trying different things. And we love toys. I have a treasure box.
Laura: So tell me a little more about how good sex affects a relationship?
Candace: It’s all about that passion. You want to have that passion in the relationship. And the toys help.
Laura: How?
Candace: Because they’re something different, you’re experiencing something different. And we’re not going out there looking for something that we can’t get at home.
My husband, he got into porn. And I don’t like porn. So I remember getting a sex toy a just a gag gift for him. And once he seen that, he saw that I was open to it, I was receptive to it— believe it or not—the toys weaned him off the porn. He didn’t need that anymore.
LAURA: Candace had another thought I’d like to share: If you’re comfortable with sex, doesn’t it stand to reason that you’ll be more open with your kids? That seemed to be the case with Sheila and her daughter Mary, who attended Alicia’s party together.
Mary: I can remember back at twelve, thirteen, when I was first starting to get my period, she talked about everything with me and made sure I understood everything and wanted me to be protected, as opposed to not telling me anything and letting me just find out on my own.
Laura: Good for mom!
Mary: I mean, I want to be as close with my daughter as she is with me.
Sheila: I just want to let all you to know, she introduced me to this stuff.
Laura and Alicia: Good daughter!
Mary: What can I say?
Alicia: So, do you have a lube?
Sheila: If I get the one Coochie, I get another Coochie free?
LAURA: Of course, sex toys aren’t for everyone. You and your partner can enjoy each other without chocolate body topping.
But one thing’s for sure: good sex and emotional closeness are strongly connected.
In our last podcast, scientist Helen Fisher said doing novel things as a couple can stimulate feelings of intimacy and love.
So maybe, in addition to learning to ski, or flying to Cancun, you and your partner can make space for some new playthings in bed. If nothing else, these toys might make you laugh…and that’s always a good thing.
[big laugh]
LAURA: I’m Laura Sessions Stepp, this is Sex.Really. We’ll be back in two weeks with an episode called, “Maybe Baby”— personal stories about pregnancies, actual and hypothetical.
What Do You Think?