January 8th 2010

Unexpected New Year’s Eve…Tongue

The other day Sassy Girl and I were doing a New Year’s Eve post-game wrap up. I told her about my shenanigans in Miami and she told me about hers in an unnamed East Coast city.

I should preface this story with the fact that Sassy Girl believes that everyone should get a kiss on New Year’s. Not in a “make out with every stranger you see on the street” kind of way, but more in a “we should all be grown up enough to share a kiss with a friend at New Year’s and not freak out about it” kind of way. I mean, who doesn’t want to get kissed at midnight?

The story goes like this: Sassy Girl was at a fabulous New Year’s Eve house party with her friends. The music was awesome, the DJ was hot, and the booze seemed to never end. As midnight approached, she looked around for someone to kiss – not too hard in a house packed with your friends – and that’s when she spotted Zen Master. As the countdown ended, Sassy Girl leaned over and kissed him. It was a nice kiss somewhere in between prude and sloppy drunk kissing. But apparently the Zen Master was a little surprised.

Zen Master: “You didn’t warn me!”

Sassy Girl: “The 10 second countdown wasn’t warning enough?”

Zen Master: “No, you have to let me kiss you again. I can do better than that.”

Sassy Girl: “Well, if you insist.”

And she went in for the kiss, round two.

Cut back to present day.

Me: “Was the second one better?”

Sassy Girl: “NO! He shoved his tongue down my throat.”

Me: “Ew…”

Sassy Girl: “I was horrified. Nay, I am still horrified. You don’t just shove your tongue down someone’s throat, that’s just rude!”

Me: “A girl has to have standards.”

Sassy Girl: “And what’s worse is that he is telling everyone I stuck my tongue in his mouth! He already assaulted my mouth, he should have the decency not to talk about it.”

Me: “Chivalry is dead.”

These are just the crazy things people tell me.