December 23rd 2009 
Surprise, Hooking Up Doesn't Kill!
In early 2008, an article in The New York Times claimed that "no one at Harvard represents the hookup culture better than Lena Chen." I'm Lena Chen. Right, how awkward is that? At the time, I was a college junior blogging quite publicly about my sex and love life -- but the last thing I thought was that my vagina represented anyone else's (let alone a whole "culture"). I tried to make that clear to the Times, obviously to no avail.
Now I have evidence on my side. University of Minnesota researchers recently debunked the long-standing myth that casual sex is harmful, after finding "no differences in the psychological well-being of young adults who had a casual sexual partner verses a more committed partner." Want more? Only 20 percent of respondents described their most recent partner as a casual one, which suggests that – at least within the population surveyed -- the hook-up culture might not be as pervasive as Fox News anchors lead us to believe.
But if this is the case, what explains recent alarmist headlines and book titles like "The Demise of Dating" and Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both**? The 2000's have seen an unprecedented wave of pro-abstinence and anti-casual sex literature, much of it claiming that promiscuity leads to depression (false), suicide (false), and even inability to form healthy long-term relationships (even falser).
Obviously I have a personal stake in the above study, but a few things have changed since my sex blogging days. In the intervening period, I've entered a long-term relationship, waged a minor war over closet space, learned how to make truffles, and once created a small fire in my kitchen sink. I am decidedly no longer emblematic of anything but domesticity gone terribly, terribly awry. I know first-hand that hooking up does not, in fact, ruin your life. Given my sexual history, I would've offed myself by now if it did. Nor would I be nearly two-years deep in a happy relationship. But though I'm now monogamous and in love (and by corollary, boring), I still know a lot more about hooking up than most of the people raising moral panic over the issue. My sex life as a 19-year-old generated media interest. What was an Ivy League gal to do but to educate herself about actual sexual trends and statistics? As a result, I've been aware from Day 1 that the hook-up culture is a myth and have set out trying to disprove its existence ever since.
I'll be honest. This endeavor has largely consisted of me flailing my arms and mouthing "Is! Not! Real!" at reporters who are too interested in Miley Cyrus and sexting to pay attention to me. I can't count the number of times reporters have approached me hoping for a juicy sound bite about what the hook-up culture is really like, only to instead encounter a barrage of facts about the great majority of Americans having had premarital sex for, um, generations. Mainstream reporters either have a major aversion to peer-reviewed studies, or they don’t like being told that their granny probably didn't keep her legs closed, because time and time again, they’ve dropped all communication the second I dare to question the phenomenon of college kids gone wild. The story becomes a lot less salacious when you realize that the so-called "hook-up culture" is just a new alarmist name attached to behavior in which young people have engaged for decades.
Hopefully, this new study will prompt some changes in the way we approach young people's sexuality, but I'm not crossing my fingers. Federally funded abstinence-only programs are currently too busy preaching the dangers of premarital sex to teach kids how to use condoms, get tested, and to communicate about sexual health. Meanwhile, "sexting" has replaced "hooking up" as the newest fabricated sexual trend. Even with new evidence on the table, I have to wonder: have we missed the boat on destigmatizing intercourse for Generation Y?
I hope not, so let this be known: New York Times? No hard feelings. Call me. I'll be the one flailing.
*****
Lena Chen is a senior at Harvard University and the author of the popular sex and relationship blog Sex and the Ivy. She writes about sex, feminism, and health and has been featured in The New York Times and Newsweek. She currently blogs at The Chicktionary.
*****
**Editor's Note: The author of Unhooked, Laura Sessions Stepp, also contributes to this site.
What Others Have Said...
Anonymous says:
Mrs. Marriott, et all,
I have to say that if these girls who come into your clinic had been taught the proper use of condoms and other prevention techniques they may not be going through the terrible trials you mention. I have complete sympathy and I agree that abstinence is a great ideal, but is not one we can strive to with detriment to education. Education can only improve the lives of our youth.
Pushing marriage onto young people so that they feel comfortable having intercourse is not the proper way to create lifelong partnerships, neither is refraining from discussing preventative techniques that may come in handy IN a marriage. Just because you are married does not mean you do not need to think about pregnancy prevention or know how to get tested for STIs.
Young people who are not given complete comprehensive sex education are ignorant about the most basic facts. They may be more likely to engage in anal or oral sex because it is not considered intercourse or is considered safer, which we all know is completely false. They also tend to forgo condoms and regular testing when they do decide to engage in sexual acts out of embarrassment or plain ignorance.
Why can there not be a comprehensive program which stresses abstinence but also empowers our youth with knowledge so they are able to make the correct choices for themselves, and the support so that they feel comfortable talking about those choices in an open environment FREE of judgment? I think THAT is an ideal we can all strive for.
Mrs. Laura Merriott says:
Lena,
I would like you to join me in my clinic after interviewing girils in tears with Herpetic blisters, pre-cervical cancer from HPV, one who at 19 had a hysterectomy, many who now are pregnant and abandoned by their irresponsible friends who wanted the benefits but did NOT want to accept the consequences!
You are simply ignorant of all the devastation this "hook-up" or "free love" LIBERAL LIE has done on individual and society!
Have the courage to read and share the following statistics-
YOU ARE COMPLICIT IN THE FOLLOWING SAD STATISTICS:
I am sending you MUCH of the research -most from our own CDC and the U.S.
Census Bureau, and as an abstinence educator for the last 10 years, was
honored to write a chapter in a social ethics text (summary article enclosed)
which details the HIGH disparities in social ills, particularly
devastating blacks and other minorities, including rates of poverty, rates of STD’s,
abortion rates, as well as the devastation to youth in fatherless
homes-with increased rates of criminal behavior, drug and alcohol abuse, school drop
out rates, and increasing pre-term labor and infant mortality rates, as
well as many other devastating statistics like emotional rates of depression
and suicide rates. I hope you agree that directing ALL American youth to
the HIGH expectation of abstinence education is the social IDEAL that would
greatly reduce all of these ills.--We have been teaching ALL youth to abstain
from drugs, alcohol, and smoking, because they harm our youth, but
especially it is time NOW to direct ALL American youth to abstain from sexual
activity as there are many more negative consequences related to that ONE
behavioral choice
If you are NOT aware, ALL of these social ills are directly linked to
people choosing to engage in pre-marital sex, and, according to your own CDC
surveillance reports, black youth have MUCH higher rates of engaging in
sex with more partners and at younger ages. So--why isn't the CDC, whose
statistics showed a great reductions in black youth engaging in sex from
1991-2005- a drop from 81% in 1991 down to 67% in 2005, and for ALL High School
students the drop was from 54 % in 1991 to 47%--again the most significant
drops were for black youth, DEMANDING more money to be targeted to
abstinence programs which direct youth to exercise self control and not be exposed
to all of the negative consequences? . THe Heritage Foundation credits
abstinence education as the most effective contributing factor to these great
reductions. NOW-Planned Parenthood and SIECUS--condom advocate groups--
want to end funding for this healthy, responsible directive, and I think
groups like yours with the detailed data on health disparities need to ask for a
bi-partisan panel to look at how successful abstinence funding has been
since 1996!
I believe the CDC should be using a medical cessation model like the
one we use in our women's care clinic for all sexually active youth,
similar to the 5 A's smoking cessation model-why wouldn't the CDC mandate that
healthy directive in ALL health Departments, and state and federally-funded
family planning clinics, and begin a healthy behavioral model to reduce
these sad statistics? THe Medical Cessation Model was started at the Medical
Institute for Sexual Health _http://medinstitute.org_
(http://medinstitute.org/) -you REALLY need to join this highly successful team who TRULY care
about our youth!
I hope you will take some time to review the data, as there is GREAT news
on the reduction of teen sexual activity and other social ills like STD’s
and fatherless households, since we began funding this healthy responsible
directive in 1996-the decreases in sexual activity for black youth are
especially hopeful! We are now seeing the dramatic results, and I also am
hoping that you will promote policies in schools, and faith-based organizations
to join the abstinence advocates in this country who want EVERY American
child to have access to this healthy, responsible directive, so that we
continue to see dramatic reductions in all of these social ills.
The condom advocates who want ALL of the sex-ed funding purposely misled
with this Mathmatica study, because it about the MONEY--not the health of
American youth, the new administration has proposed cutting the funding for
abstinence on the basis of the misleading data.
PLEASE read the information carefully, and I would be honored to discuss
in detail how abstinence directives should be a HIGH priority for ALL
concerned about these ills. Although we have numbers for white and Hispanic
youth, which are also very troubling, the sad numbers reflect that black youth
are particularly negatively affected.
Blacks account for 12-13% of the U.S. population--yet they have higher
numbers as a percentage of their race in all of the following social ills:
POVERTY-The #1 group trapped in poverty are single female -headed
households--NO marriage--sadly, blacks have a 70% out--of-wedlock birth
rate--so more will be trapped in poverty. Choosing to engage in sex before
marriage is the contributing factor! Time Magazine recently had the statistic
that we spend $500 billion on poverty-related programs.
STD's --Blacks have higher numbers of ALL STD's -not just HIV/AIDS--which
in
some areas they account for 50% of the new cases--but also for Herpes,
Chlamydia, Gonorrhea..and others,.-we know that STD’s are directly related
to sexual choices-very few to rape/incest! One estimate noted that we
spend $20 billion on screening/treatment.
CRIME--We know that black youth engage in higher rates of criminal
behavior and on
more black victims--we also know that 70% of the men in prison came from
homes with NO fathers--NO marriage--thus NO positive role model--people
making sexual choices, but then abandon their responsibility! How does one
begin to factor the costs of an unproductive life spent behind bars, along
with the estimated $40,000/year per inmate for upkeep in prison?
ABORTION--We know that since 1973-Roe v. Wade that 45 million unborn babies
have been KILLED in legal abortion--BUT 1/3rd of those-15 million-- were
black and Planned Parenthood-et.al. sets up more inner city abortion
clinics
targeting blacks-Black Americans for Life calls it genocide-! Statistics
show that 85% of abortions are choices made by unmarried women.
If any of you claim that abortion should remain legal--PLEASE go to
_www.abortionno.org_ (http://www.abortionno.org/) and view the IMMORAL
reality--how can any sane person support this atrocity?
My research from the CDC states that black youth engage in sex at
younger ages and with more partners than their white and Hispanic peers--so we
will see more of ALL of these devastating numbers!
Now for the solution--conservatives have funded and want to expand
abstinence until MARRIAGE funding so that ALL youth will understand the
consequences of that behavior -teach them how to exercise self-control to avoid
STD's, and so that they will not end up in poverty as a single mom or have to
choose to KILL her baby in abortion. Also, we would like to teach young
men that if they engage in these sexual choices, they have an obligation to
commit to the mom in MARRIAGE-that it is healthy for the child to grow up
with a father and a mother as we have much data on the increased rates of
criminal behaviors, school drop out rates, drug and alcohol abuse from youth
growing up fatherless.
I have a tape of some politicians from C-Span who say it is "unrealistic"
to teach some youth abstinence--isn't that soft bigotry of LOW
expectation--that blacks cannot
be taught self-control like their white peers? I believe that it is our
obligation to teach
them the HIGH standard of abstinence, and we have studies which state black
youth do abstain after this healthy, responsible, moral directive of
abstinence
education-! So--I hope we will begin to challenge those who say they want
less poverty, less crime, less STD's, less abortion -to join with
conservatives and demand abstinence education for ALL youth--so that we can greatly
reduce these sad statistics-especially for blacks!
I also want to include the devastation from emotional effects of
pre-marital sex like
increased rates of depression and suicide, loss of self-esteem and many
other emotional negative effects that we spend millions on counseling!
Two new books, "Unprotected" by Dr. Miriam Grossman and "Hooked" by Dr.
McIlhaney discuss the hormonal influence with sexual choices, and how many
youth do not understand why they feel so depressed after being used/dumped
after casual sex.
I PRAY that you will consider looking at the UNBELIEVABLE individual and
societal costs discussed, and join those who want to make a priority to fund
the healthy directive that could greatly reduce all of the aforementioned
social ills.
[
We have MUCH data to support the benefits of mutual monogamous MARRAIGE--
defined by EVERY major religion as the sacred union of 1 man and 1 woman.
The new data on the hormonal bonding from chemicals like oxytocin in the
woman, and vasopressin and testosterone in the male, which increase with
sexual activity and are designed for 2 purposes-bonding AND procreation,
sadly we have seen the emotionally devastated women/men who have engaged in
uncommitted casual sex !
I hope you will have the courage to respond and look at the detailed
data which I can send you, which shows the individual and societal
devastation, and join those like the Medical Institute in transforming the CDC in
directing youth to the healthy, responsible directive.
GOD BLESS-US-EVERYONE!
Ret. Major Laura Merriott
a PROUD abstinence educator
814 835-0249 5235 Wolf Rd. Erie, Pa. 16505
Here's another sad story:
_http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/06/29/abortions-double-premat
ure-tot-risk-115875-21480051/_
(http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/06/29/abortions-double-pre...)
Katayun Salehi says:
I really enjoyed your article; it was articulate and persuasive. I wholeheartedly agree with the last statement about abstinence-only programs in particular. I am fortunate enough to attend a high school with a knowledgeable and informative health teacher who is very open about the realities of sex and who embraces even the most awkward-seeming questions. I appreciate her honesty concerning sexual health and I couldn't imagine not having someone who could properly education me about sex.
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