March 9th 2010

Prego Scare By Text Message

The first text message my young traveling companion got stopped her in the middle of our conversation.

It read: Hey. I have a big secret I cant tell u til monday tho. But its huge girl nd im scared.

My companion typed:

Ur prego??? Ahhhhhhh

My companion’s friend, whom I’ll call "Worried", came back: They tested me today nd they r gunna call to tell me if it was positive or negative on monday. Im sooo scared!

And so began a saga for my companion, a college freshman, that started last Thursday in my car and continued until late last night.

The first text from Worried arrived as we were driving south on I-95, headed to a conference to talk about, of all things, young people and sex.

Worried, also a freshman, had seen a doctor and faced a weekend of waiting. Anyone who has ever had a pregnancy scare knows that three or four days can seem like three or four years.

The subsequent exchange between Worried and her friend, my passenger, was so tortured and real, that, with permission, I’m going to run some of it here as it appeared on my companion’s phone:

Friend: Why do u think ur prego? Ur on birthcontrol.

Worried: We use comdoms, b.c. Nd he pulls out.

Friend: I don't understand. There's no way you could be prego.

Worried: I know nd im sooo confused but (the doctor) sed the mornin sickness nd feelin nausus all day nd my back hurtin nd my feet swellin nd my stomache gettin bigger nd me peein all the time r all signs that i may be.

Friend: Ur just nervous. There's no way this could happen..UNLESS.... you stopped takin the pill...or didn't use a condom. U may just be paranoid. If you are..you need to be wise and decide if u want to keep it. Cause honestly..ur man doesn't have a job and ur a freshmen in COLLEGE.

Worried: I know girl. I mean i really wanna keep it nd he is at a job interview right now for target.

Friend: Target? C'mon now. A baby is extremely expensive. He doesn't even have his own place or even a degree. You still live with ur mom and ur still a kid. Do u really think ur mentally and financially prepared? These are all things u need to think about. Having a baby in college is not a smart decision.

Worried: It is target distrobution center not the actual store

Friend: I just don't want you to fall behind for being careless. Think about the bills he pays and how he barely makes it pay check to pay check. You think its bad now...its going to get twice as tough. Just tryna be real with u..cause I care.

Worried: Ur tellin me stuff we already kno. He would make everything work out if i am nd i kno i need to get a job. If i am then he is gonna sell his car nd that ll get rid of an extra 400 buck bill a month nd get a cheaper car nd he will find a job.

Friend: Okay, it ll be the biggest mistake..but u won't realize until later. ur telling urself this is right. But trust me...its not. Don't be dumb.

Worried: I dont think it will be a mistake since it was unplanned we really dont know how it happened. I know it is wrong but my family doesnt believe in abortion nd they will think of me as satan or something. So id keep it until i had it then give it away.

Friend: Okay an accident..is that better? Regaurdless..the mistake is..KEEPING IT. Values and Morals..that's all great but its ur body and ur decision. They're not going to have the baby for u.

Worried: Im not worried bout school right now. Im freakin out nd my parents r bitchin cuz i may be nd they thought i wud wait til marriage his parents r freakin out nd im terrified i just need u to be my friend right now nd not tell me how stupid i am

Friend: Yeah but a real friend will tell u the truth and make u realize how things are going to be. That's a real friend. Not sugar coat things and make reality seem another way. REGARDLESS....I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR U..AND UR FRIEND. I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FANTASY OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF HAVING A BABY..

Worried: I understand both sides girl. Its just how i was raised not to abort. I was raised that it was murder nd i cant do it. It wud be like killin a person i already met

Friend: Not even true or the same. You shouldn't of told ur mom. Its not a person until the last trimester. Look it up. And u have to do it at an appropriate time not wait. But those are things to think about.

Worried: Ok. I am gunna go cuz i have to think nd ima take a nap. Ill txt ya later.

Friend: Please keep me posted. I want u to make the best decisions for u! Love you! Hang in there!

Worried: Ok i will nd i love u too.

Approximately 7 out of 10 unmarried 20-something women get pregnant when they don’t intend to. Maybe they and their partner don’t use contraception. Or maybe they do – but imperfectly. He forgets to put on a condom or puts it on improperly. Or she forgets to take a pill. Or both things happen the same night.

Fact is, women in their late teens and 20s are in their most fertile years. One mistake can be costly. If a woman takes the birth control pill exactly as prescribed, her chance of getting pregnant is miniscule. But if she’s what health professionals call a “typical” user and occasionally slips up, her chance shoots up to 8 out of 100.

If a guy uses a condom perfectly every time , the odds of a pregnancy are 2 out of 100. If he’s a typical user, it’s more like 15 out of 100.

If pill and condom are used together but not perfectly? About 1 of every 100 women will get pregnant.

These may not sound like big risks, but don’t tell that to Worried.

Worried’s friend continued to update me through last night. When Worried didn’t hear from the doctor as promised, her friend took her to Wal-Mart to buy a home pregnancy test. She wrote:

Omg…so let me tell you. We got the pregnancy test. She peed on it. And it’s been 15 minutes and its still reading..it’s supposed to take 3 minutes. It’s killing us! Ugh so she’s going to pee on another one. Why is this test messing with us psychologically?

They had purchased two tests, so Worried tried the second one. Her friend dashed off another text: She peed on both and they were both defective so we’re heading bk to the store.

At almost 10 p.m., the friend wrote: It was NEGAAATIIIVVEE YAAY

Her final thought?

You can never be too careful.