November 13th 2009

Jane Austen and Rob Reiner: Ruining Romance For Real People

The other night I was out to dinner with Hipster Boy, Calendar Girl, Sunshine Girl, and The Philosopher. The conversation soon turned to movies, as it often does. The Philosopher had recently watched Pride and Prejudice with his girlfriend (because he is a good egg and will watch chick flicks without much objection), and it left him with some lingering questions.

The Philosopher: “What is with girls and Mr. Darcy?”

He looked expectantly around the table for one of us to answer – and was met with silence.

Side note: There was a period of time when History Boy awarded himself “Darcy Points” whenever he did something he deemed chivalrous.

The Philosopher continued, “There is no Mr. Darcy. He doesn’t exist! Why do girls want a guy like that?”

Me: “Because there is nothing hotter than a boy who is brooding and aloof but will show his true emotions to you…and girls are silly.”

Sunshine Girl: “Mr. Darcy was a jackass. Come on! Even when he tells Elizabeth he loves her he is a jackass.”

Sunshine Girl slips into an English accent and mockingly quotes Mr. Darcy. “Perhaps these offences might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by my honesty in admitting scruples about our relationship. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?”

Sunshine Girl goes on to explain, “It isn’t Mr. Darcy that is the ideal, it’s what he represents.”

The Philosopher: “But what is that?”

Sunshine Girl: “That some day you will meet a man who loves that you are independent, witty, and beautiful and will want to marry you no matter what anyone says about it.”

Calendar Girl: “It’s about true love.”

The Philosopher: “But it sets an unrealistic expectation. Girls think it’s the norm. It stresses us out. We aren’t Mr. Darcy, there is no Mr. Darcy and we will never be like some guy in a movie. If I stood outside your house holding a boom box over my head that’s playing Peter Gabriel, you would call the cops. Love isn’t all about big grand gestures.”

Hipster Boy took one look around the table and realized we had no idea what The Philosopher was talking about.

Hipster Boy: “It’s like when you look at the cover of a magazine and think ‘That’s not what real women look like. That is an unrealistic expectation of beauty.’ That’s how we feel when we watch chick flicks.”

Me: “It’s like why I’m in a fight with Rob Reiner!”

Calendar Girl: “How could you be in a fight with Rob Reiner? He is the creative genius who brought us The Princess Bride.”

Sunshine Girl: “Here we go.”

Me: “When Harry Met Sally – the single most emotionally destructive movie of all time. It perpetuates the untruth that your male best friend will wake up one day and realize he is in love with you. But if he was in love with you he would be your boyfriend, not your best friend…unrealistic expectations.”

Calendar Girl: “I’m never going to the movies with either one of you again.”

These are just the crazy things we talk about.