December 18th 2009

It’s All Fun and Games Until You Lose a Condom in Your Vajayjay. . .

The other night I was talking to Polly Pocket. We were doing our work version of “Best Week Ever.” Basically you have thirty seconds to tell the other one what you are doing at work before you dive into the really important stuff . . . sex and gossip. In an effort to protect Polly Pocket’s identity, I won’t tell you what she was doing at work.

I was talking about how I was trying to find young adults to talk about some new research we had coming out called The Fog Zone.

Polly Pocket: “Do I have to drive with my brights on when I’m in the ‘The Fog Zone'?”

Me: “Jackass. You’re lucky I don’t make you do it.”

Polly Pocket: “What is it really about?”

Me: “Basically it all about how 20-somethings are totally screwed because we don’t know how to use our birth control or we just don’t use it at all. My favorite is that some people still think two condoms are better than one.”

I was met with silence.

Polly Pocket: “I learned that one the awkward way.”

“Recently?” I replied, trying really hard not to smirk.

Polly Pocket: “Define recently?”

The story goes like this.

Not so long ago Polly Pocket had skipped a couple Pills in one week. So when she and The Cowboy wanted to have sex they figured using two condoms would be a safe bet. She was wrong.

Soon (very soon) after they were done having sex, The Cowboy said “I think we have a problem.”

Polly Pocket: “What?”

The Cowboy “I only have one condom on.”

Polly Pocket: “WHAT? Where is the other one?”

The Cowboy: “Umm. . .do you still feel it?”

I will not go into great detail. But Polly Pocket soon discovered that there was a condom still in her and she couldn’t get it out. This involved an emergency trip to the lady doctor.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Polly Pocket shamefully told the lady doctor how she had skipped her pill and that they used two condoms and now there was one still inside her. The lady doctor thankfully did not laugh at her. But she did lecture Polly Pocket about taking her pill consistently and informed her two condoms are not better than one, in fact they are worse.

Note: Yes, it's true--two condoms are actually worse than one--and doubling up can increase the risk of pregnancy. When there’s more than one condom (whether it's two male condoms or a male condom and a female condom), the friction between them can cause the condom to tear. One condom, used correctly, protects against STIs and provides protection against pregnancy.

Cut back to present day and me laughing so hard I snort.

Me: “And I thought my life was awkward.”

Polly Pocket: “Yeah it’s all fun and games until you lose a condom in your vajayjay. . .”

Me “And then it’s just hilarious.”

These are just the crazy things people tell me.