June 21st 2009 
Dads and Daughters, Part II: In Praise of (Good) Fathers
On Father’s Day, as a follow-up to Part I of Dads and Daughters, let’s not forget the fathers who are doing a bang-up job. Maia Matalon, of Davis, CA, has a dad like that. Here is, in part, what she says about how he has influenced what she thinks about sex, men, and relationships with men:
On Awareness of Sexuality
“Right around seventh grade when I started buying ridiculously tight pants and experimenting with my looks, Dad started talking about what it meant to look sexy, and how it would affect the ways that people treated me. He never made my sexuality out as a negative thing, but encouraged me to be aware of it, to realize when I am displaying my body or flirting. This sometimes makes it difficult for me to play the college dating game because I am aware of the implications of my behavior. If I'm grinding on someone on the dance floor, I'm clear that it’s a sexual situation, so I'm not about to dismiss is as, 'just dancing.' If I'm running around in tiny shorts and a tight T, (which I've done on occasion) then I know I'm displaying my body in a pretty sexual light. If I'm flirting with a guy at a party, then I'm showing that I'm interested in them."
On Masturbation
”My father gave me my first definition for masturbate, something he thought had been left out of the school sex ed curriculum. It was a good thing he did because at the time I thought masturbate and menstruate were the same thing. (Ya know, long 'M' words.)"
On Physical Appearance
“My father stressed that ultimately looks aren't that important. Or at least less important than other things like smarts, independence, honesty and ambition. I'm not going to pretend that I don't care about how I look (I am a college-age American girl after all) but my physical appearance isn't the main source of my self esteem. In other words, while I sometimes obsess over my hair, or those two extra pounds on my tummy, I don't think that being attractive is what makes me worthwhile. While I want a significant other to think I'm pretty, I also expect them to appreciate other things about me.”
On Independence and Compromise
“When I was a preteen my dad had a conversation where he described a sort of time line of independence for my future. I could expect more and more independence and freedom from my parents’ rules as I got older. This would increase until I got into a serious relationship. 'At which point,' he said, 'you won't have to follow your boyfriend's rules, but you will have to coordinate with him and take two people's needs into account instead of one.'”
On Being Honest
“I have never caught one of my parents lying to the other. They also wouldn't lie to me or my brother. I've heard my Dad say that the best way to get your kids to lie to you is to be dishonest when you're dealing with them. Because of this family culture, honesty and openness are two things I look for in the guys I date.”
On Caring and Showing It
"By paying attention to me, showing interest in what's important to me in my life (my dad recently flew to LA from the Bay Area to watch me in a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament and then flew home that same night), my dad models loving behavior for me.”
Maia says that for as long as she can remember, her mom sits in her dad’s lap for a chat before going to bed. She hopes to find companionship like that someday. Until then, “I don't need to fill the ‘Daddy Spot’ when looking for a boyfriend.”
(Stay tuned for a podcast episode in a few weeks called “Model Moments” about couples who show what real love looks like.)
Laura's Playlist, Inspired by this Post
What Do You Think?